If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that I’m not a big people person. I’m not a social butterfly, I don’t like crowds, and I don’t really like doing things. A lot of the things I enjoy are solitary events and, when I do spend time with life-giving people, I prefer to do it one at a time.
More than that, I rarely get lonely. Except for in social situations.
It’s when I’m surrounded by a group people that I feel the most alone.
Recently I was in a situation with a group of people that I don’t know super well but I have been getting to know over the past few months. We were all talking and, when it was time to leave, it seemed like everyone was paired up except for me. Little groups of two were lingering in the room still talking and other duos were walking out the door together. And immediately the voice of a victim blared in my ears.
“Why am I always alone?”
I wallowed for a few minutes until I was about halfway to my car and it hit me:
“Why are you playing the victim? It takes two to build a relationship.”
Ouch. Don’t you love those moments when you’re brutally honest with yourself?
You see, my attempts at building relationships with these women have been half-hearted at best, so it only makes sense that they wouldn’t feel as close to me as some of the others with whom they’ve probably communicated throughout our weeks together. Instead of blaming others for not being more inclusive of me, I needed to take a long, hard look at myself and own my part of these lacking relationships.
How have you been peopling lately?
Do you feel like a victim in any of your relationships or in any group of people?
Now, if abuse is going on in one of your relationships or you’re in an unsafe situation, please get out and seek appropriate help. Find a safe community where you can heal and thrive.
In my situation, the relationships aren’t toxic or unhealthy, in fact, if I were to reach out to them and get to know these women more, it would be a very life-giving situation. I haven’t been bullied or intentionally isolated, I’ve been the one to isolate myself, a pattern God has been revealing to me for years, something he’s inviting me to change in my own life. He’s asking me to trust him so much with my heart that I’m willing to open it up to others, even if that means risking getting hurt.
And, if you’re like me and are seeing yourself as a victim in a situation of your own making, I encourage you to change your perspective. Take responsibility for your part of the situation and see what happens! And, if you can’t be objective, consider inviting an impartial observer in to help you navigate what you’re feeling.
We’re not called to live in the victim mentality but are made to live as beloved children of God! Let’s begin dismantling the lies we’ve come to believe so we can live in freedom and health!
To go Deeper: Trading my New Perspective in for Life-giving Action