In May I experienced what I’m calling the season of cancellations. Within a period of just a few weeks, I had 5 of my clients either ghost on me or postpone our projects, which is incredibly disheartening when you were counting on those for your revenue for that month. Needless to say, I freaked out. One day, in a moment of desperation I cried out to God and the conversation went a little like this.
“God, what is happening? What am I doing wrong? Why are all of these people dropping off?”
“God, seriously, how do I fix this?”
Silence. With me getting more agitated and frantic by the minute.
“Tell me what to do and I’ll do it!”
“Sarah, you’re being a human doing again, not a human being.”
“Sarah, I want you to take a break.”
Shakes head and pretends not to hear.
“Sarah, I want you to take an entire week off.”
“Take a week off work. No working for a week.”
“Um…” My heart about to beat out of my chest. “Okay.”
My sabbatical was really hard for me, but I’m so happy that I did it. I got out of my comfort zone of striving and achieving and decided to spend some time in silence and stillness with God. And he, not surprisingly, showed up!
The biggest revelation that I had during the week was that God is all about the heart. Now, I know this isn’t a particularly earth-shattering revelation, but it wrecked my world.
One day I pictured my heart, the thing he loves and he wants, and it wasn’t pretty. It was like the Grinch’s heart that was three sizes too small. It was dry and black and hard. I had neglected it and left it out in the elements to fend for itself. It had been ignored and mistreated for years. It was not a pretty sight and overdue for some serious repairs.
I looked at it and told God that he didn’t want it.
Instead, I offered him my mind, the part of me I believe is my greatest asset. But he didn’t want it.
I offered him my skills; after all, I’m good at a lot of things. I can do a lot for him and for others. But he didn’t want my skills.
I offered him my strength. I’m good at pushing through and getting things done even in the face of opposition. But he didn’t want my strength.
He wants my heart.
That thing that I’ve mistreated and haven’t valued is the thing that he prizes. More than that, he wants my heart even as disheveled as it is. He’s not afraid of its state, he’s not angry at my gross mismanagement of it, but he still wants it. And the same is true for you.
What’s the state of your heart today?
No matter what it looks like, I encourage you to spend some time today giving it to God. Let him trade out your hurting, broken heart, for one that’s brand new and pumps his life and his love through it. Let him heal and love you today.
No matter how good or bad your heart looks, he wants it. He wants all of it. More than our actions or skills or behaviors or dreams, he wants our hearts. He wants to take those dead and dying hearts and replace them with brand new hearts that are pumping full of true life.
The question is are you willing?