I always excelled in school and if there was subject that I struggled with I would work so hard that it would no longer be a problem for me. I had terrible penmanship in my early elementary career. That was the only grade I would get anything less than an ‘E’ (meaning excellent) in and that was endlessly frustrating to me. I couldn’t bear the idea of getting an imperfect grade so I spent an entire summer one year practicing my penmanship so that I wouldn’t run into that problem again.
And I still fall into the same perfectionist trap today. Despite the fact that I am a deeply flawed human, I still expect perfection from myself–talk about an unrealistic standard!
During my sabbatical, I kept coming back to the truth of who God is and who I am. For an entire week, I felt God sweetly reminding me that I am his beloved daughter, a truth I hadn’t fully grasped and, quite honestly, still don’t. I’ve never been good at being a daughter and I’m really not good at being God’s daughter.
Each time he would kindly remind me of this truth I felt like a failure. I’ve taught on this subject before. I even wrote a book all about who we are in Christ! And I was still learning this lesson again? I felt like a complete and total fraud. I wanted to log onto Amazon and remove the books I’ve written because, if I was learning this lesson now, how had I been able to write a book on that subject?
“We’re going deeper.”
It’s not that I didn’t know these things before, he’s just showing me the extent of something I’ve accepted, little by little, over the years. He’s showing me the depth of his love for me as a child and another level of this profound and life-changing truth.
And this is the normal progression of our walk with the Lord. It’s not like we reach a point in our faith where the basics of who God is and who we are stop being applicable. And, as we grow and mature, we just experience deeper and deeper levels of these truths.
As we grow, we’re able to identify areas where we maybe haven’t fully trusted God’s character. Or pinpoint the areas where we still believe a lie about who we are in Christ.
Are there any lessons that you’re relearning now? Or any portions of your heart that God is revealing you’ve been believing a lie?
I had still been operating under the lie that I have to work to earn my position as a daughter. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t been trusting what God says about me. It doesn’t mean I’ve been believing that I’m not his daughter. He’s just revealing yet another area of my heart and life that he wants me to give to him.
As I’m writing this, I’m reminded of this verse from one of my favorite hymns:
“’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His word;
Just to rest upon His promise;
Just to know, Thus saith the Lord.”
-Louisa M. R. Stead
’Tis So Sweet To Trust in Jesus
So I’m choosing to trust him with my identity as a daughter.
I’m choosing to take him at his word that I am beloved.
I’m choosing to rest in his promise that he loves me.
Simply because his word says so.