Woman looking out at the water

Can We Get Real For a Moment?

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I have a few soapboxes that I tend to get on and I’m sure there are friends who wish that I would get off of them. I will probably get off of them one day, but that day is not today.

Let’s talk about singleness.

Singleness is not a disease.
Singleness doesn’t mean brokenness.
Singleness isn’t a defect.
Singleness doesn’t mean loneliness.
Singleness is not a death sentence.

And yet, it’s treated that way inside and outside the church.

Hi, my name is Sarah, I’m 28 years old and I’ve never dated. Now, there are some of you who just thought to yourselves what is wrong with her? and that’s okay. It’s a fair question. Honestly, I’ve never wanted to get married and I truly love being single. I know I’m in the minority, but I’m so incredibly thankful for my singleness.

For years, people have been trying to set me up with someone. I’m constantly asked if I’m dating someone and it seems like most everyone I know has someone in mind they think would be “just perfect for me”. And, when you get to be in your late 20’s the frequency of suggestions increases. On paper, for over a decade, I’ve had skills and abilities and church status and put-together-ness that made me look like a catch. But the state of my heart was hidden. And I’m thankful that I rejected each potential mate so no one was ever subjected to the pain and self-loathing that was present in my heart.

The truth is, for 28 years I haven’t been ready for a relationship because I haven’t been healthy. I’m still not ready. And that’s okay.

Going into 2018, I knew it would be a year of intense healing. The Lord was going to work in me in a way that he hadn’t before, unearthing and exposing certain things in my mind and heart that I didn’t even know were there. He’s shown me shame and the effects it’s had on my entire life and is currently restoring those places of hurt I’ve allowed to fester for so long. Daily, he’s healing my heart, renewing my mind, and drawing me closer to him.

And that’s what the season of singleness is for.

My dear single friends, I encourage you to use this time wisely. You will never have more time than you do right now and that’s time God wants. Spend time with him, seek his will, fall in love with his word, build healthy friendships, get godly mentors, and serve someone else. Pursue purpose today, don’t wait for a relationship before you start doing these things; start today.

My dear married friends, please don’t concern yourself with our relationship status unless we’ve given you permission. Don’t try to set us up with someone just because they’re also single. Get to know us. Spend time with us. Love us right where we’re at.  Encourage us toward Christ instead of toward a spouse, unless we’ve invited you into the spouse-finding process.

The truth is, regardless of your relationship status, God wants your heart and that’s not ever going to change. Let’s each take the time, single, dating, married, it’s complicated, or anywhere in between, and draw nearer to God on our own and see how our lives begin to change.

To go Deeper: Watch Relationship Goals


  1. I love this post! I think you’re very brave and very smart to do what’s best for you despite society’s pressure. I’ve taken an intentional break from dating for the last three years and people seem to think there is something wrong with me because I’m not trying to get into a relationship. But I’ve been concentrating on my career, my kids, my friends and my relationship with God. I’ve got plenty of relationships! I’ll never understand why everyone else thinks they get to have an opinion on my love life (or lack thereof). It’s not a character flaw; it’s a choice!

    Liked by 1 person

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