I am a control freak by nature. I like things to be “just so,” and I feel comfortable when I know that I am in control of certain things; when I’m not in control, I can begin to feel anxious or angry or both. For some reason, I tend to think that I have the right answer locked and loaded and that my solution is one of the best available. As you can imagine, I’m currently working through some serious pride issues.
Every day I have a loose plan for what my day is going to look like. I have the few things that I want to accomplish by the end of the day, and I usually have the order in which they need to be done mapped out in my mind. There’s lots of flexibility in these plans to accommodate other events and the derailing that often happens when dealing with people. But there are some days that completely throw me off.
This was a beautiful system when I was working for myself—I was productive and happy a lot of the time. I felt accomplished, and the number of things outside of my control were pretty few.
But a couple months ago, I had a day where my whole day was thrown off and I, honestly, didn’t handle it well.
I was traveling back home after being out of town for work and had a plan for what I was going to accomplish once I arrived safely in DFW. I had a number of important deadlines looming and needed to accomplish a lot that evening to start off my weekend strong. But my plan didn’t work out. Weather delayed our flight for five hours and I was unable to get much done.
During our hours of waiting, I felt like God was inviting me to relax. I was frustrated and angry and I wanted things to be done my way, but he patiently whispered to calm down.
While I appreciated his invitation to a calmer demeanor, the truth is that I didn’t want to relax. I wanted to retake control. I wanted to do anything other than wait out the weather that I have zero control over. I wanted to regain the control I thought I rightly deserved. At that moment, my plan had become my god, and that was a serious problem.
It’s amazing how many times over the last few weeks I’ve felt God pointing out my desire for control. He’s been patiently and kindly showing me little and big areas in which I seek, desire, crave, or usurp control and is consistently asking me to give those things over to him. He’s graciously pointing out that trusting him is the posture that I should live in.
Every day, every hour, he’s asking me to trust his character instead of merely relying upon my own and, the times when I do so, even though it can be tough, I feel more like myself.
Do you have a control problem?
What are the little (or big) ways that you trust God daily?
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