A few years ago, I began writing a book titled Musings From Within the World of Grey. In this book, I processed through some of the questions that I have about life and faith. This was really hard for me to start writing because it wasn’t written from the perspective of having everything figured out. Instead, it was my wrestling with certain topics (some of which are very controversial) in the light of Scripture, the heart of Jesus, and my own experience. I didn’t draw any conclusions, just processed.
I used to be a person who saw the world in black and white. Things were clear-cut and everything had an answer or a solution. There was a clear delineation between right and wrong, good and bad, just and unjust. I had a simple view of God and was certain that he worked in the one, narrow way that I pictured. But then I lived a little more and realized that the world was a lot more grey than I originally realized. I couldn’t take my harsh black and white perspective into every situation, I needed to make room for the grey in my life. And that is the place where this particular book originated.
The truth is that it’s easier when things are black and white.
You’re either wrong or you’re not.
You’re in or you’re out.
You’re with me or against me.
But we live within shades of grey.
Healing is one of the areas that I’ve struggled with for my entire faith journey. I believe that God is a healer. I’ve seen people healed—heck, I’ve prayed and people have been healed. And yet, I still live in almost constant pain. I’ve had others pray for me, I’ve prayed for me, and we’ve believed for healing, but no miraculous changes have taken place. Instead, the real changes in my health have come about as I’ve taken advantage of the tools available to me: taking better care of the body that I’ve been given. I’m so grateful that I wasn’t healed instantaneously and that he’s healing me as part of a process. As a result, I’ve had to wrestle with the already/not yet part of healing. I’m healed in Jesus, but I haven’t experienced the full effect for whatever reason. That doesn’t make God any less good or diminish his ability and desire to heal.
It’s in the grey that our faith is stretched. While I have no desire to always be in pain and I’m still believing that I will have days without pain while I’m on earth, I wouldn’t trade this journey for anything. My belief that the Lord is for me and loves me in spite of how I feel is one of the greatest gifts I’ve been given. I’ve had to wrestle with the goodness of the Lord and I’ve come out of it believing he is who he says he is, despite outward circumstances.
What about you? What have you learned in the grey? What are you currently learning in that messy space where faith is tested, belief can flounder, and circumstances look bleak? If you’re currently in the grey right now, I hope that you feel encouraged that you’re not alone. Not only is He with you, but there are also millions, if not billions, of people in their own grey right alongside you. If you’re in the grey, I encourage you to continue to wrestle and question and fight for your faith. I believe that’s one of the sweet spaces where the Lord meets us and comforts us. Keep going—you can do it!
What areas of grey have you wrestled in?
Do you struggle with this grey world we currently live in?
To go Deeper: Read Natural Alert Systems: Pain, Mistaking Numbness for Faith